Getting To Grips

I've only slept for a couple of hours when the alarm goes off. I turn towards The Library Officer and he is staring at me, smiling. We kiss and cuddle until finally dragging ourselves out of bed. He has to work and I am on a Ninja Training course that starts at 7.30am and need to pick up my gym clothes from my parents' house. He drives me to their house and waits outside while I change and discover the gym shoes I need are in the loft. It is only 6.30, everyone is asleep and I have to pull down the creaky metal ladder to the loft and climb up and search through all my possessions until finding them. This is what happens when you don't exercise, I tell myself.

Bleary-eyed and big haired, I am the first person to arrive for the course. We are being trained to deal with physical threats from prisoners and I am partnered with the only other girl: a tall, thin basketball player who is about fifteen years younger than me. Fuck, she is strong. We are taught kicking, punching and blocking moves that involve us having to kick, punch and block each other's blows. Fuck, they hurt. I am shagged out and alternating between dreamy smiles and yelps of pain.

When the course finishes, The Library Officer leaves work early to meet me and drives me back to my parents' house so I can pack a bag to stay at his place. He waits outside and my mother asks if my "friend would like to come in." I think it's a bit early for introductions, especially as I have no idea how my parents' will react to my "friend" being so much older than me.

Back at his house, I shower and dress and we go out for lunch and drinks. He holds my hand as we walk through the small market town where he lives. It seems too soon for the intimacy of hand-holding and I feel self-conscious. He has lived in this town for most of his life and seems to know everyone so I feel like we are on display. I am conscious of us looking like an older man with a young bit of totty, but I also like that he wants to hold my hand and that he's completely unembarrassed to be seen together. The break-up with The Ex damaged my confidence and I was left feeling completely rejected; now, a lovely man is interested in me, looking at me with complete adoration and holding my hand. It raises such a mixture of emotion: I feel half happy, half sad.